Finally, the day came to perform Naughts and Crosses and to say we smashed it would be an understatement, and considering this is our first play of the year, this is a fantastic way to begin.
I feel like the audience saw my version of Jasmine very different from Anya's because both my scenes are quite short, I did not have as much to develop, but I think I did quite a good job showing the contrast of Jasmine as Anya's Jasmine is a bit more aggressive, I tried to show the way the argument actually effected her portraying her as the injured animal behind the wall she has built.
I think that my nerves and excitement put me off a little bit because I didn't execute all my lines the way that I would have liked to, but I don't think that I could have done much about that anyway. And I hope that everyone heard and understood my lines, because I feel like some of the people behind me couldn't.
I feel like every time the door opened I got a bit distracted but I think it's only because I was seeing if it was my mother (sorry about that by the way), if she wasn't late I think I could have kept my concentration as once she entered the room, I did focus more because I wasn't worried that she would screech and make a lot of noise as she had already done that.
Overall I am proud of all the work that everyone has put into it and I am quite happy with my performance because I feel like I have taken in all the constructive criticism I have received, and I can't wait to find out what we will be doing next term.
Friday, 17 October 2014
Long Term Target Evaluation
My long term target is that I would like to learn how to develop my characters a lot further than I can now so that I can perform better and expand my vocal range.
Today we had our final run through, and I think that I have achieved my long term target because I am sure that I developed my character to the best of my ability with all the exercises with subtext and making the character profile as when I read the text at first I thought that Jasmine was just a heartless mother who really likes wine, but after all the evaluation, I see that she does want the best for her children even if she does put herself first sometimes and has lost her balance a bit with the alcohol fogging her mind up.
I have been doing lots of vocal warm ups which I think have helped my vocal range and projection because previously, to project my voice, I would shout a bit, but now I can feel myself actually projecting instead.
I do feel as if this has helped me characterise better and now that I know the basis of how to do it, I feel as if I can do this for any character much easier to improve my performance.
I have been doing lots of vocal warm ups which I think have helped my vocal range and projection because previously, to project my voice, I would shout a bit, but now I can feel myself actually projecting instead.
I do feel as if this has helped me characterise better and now that I know the basis of how to do it, I feel as if I can do this for any character much easier to improve my performance.
Thursday 25th September 2014 (Subtext)
We focused on subtext of our scripts to try and decipher the true emotions, meanings and motives of a character, for example in the scene with Eric (Callum) and Aaron (Jude), when Callum goes to hug Jude and says 'I've missed you', Jude says 'get off' but you know that he has actually missed him, he just doesn't want to say it.
We did an exercise today where we switched out our lines for the subtext of them instead so when Jasmine tells Sephy to get changed, she is really saying that she can't look sloppy for something she can't know about.
This exercise really helped me develop my character because it made me see things that I didn't before and I noticed that I stared saying some of my lines differently as a result, going fully into all of Jasmines emotions of the scene.
I have annotated my script with all of mine and some of Sephys objectives.
We did an exercise today where we switched out our lines for the subtext of them instead so when Jasmine tells Sephy to get changed, she is really saying that she can't look sloppy for something she can't know about.
This exercise really helped me develop my character because it made me see things that I didn't before and I noticed that I stared saying some of my lines differently as a result, going fully into all of Jasmines emotions of the scene.
I have annotated my script with all of mine and some of Sephys objectives.
Thursday, 16 October 2014
A Letter From Jasmines Point of View
I can't believe Sephy. Persephoney Hadley. My daughter. Is pregnant. What on earth was she thinking? She clearly wasn't. Callum is a lovely boy but they are both far too young to have a child of their own. To think that I will have a grandchild who is not a cross. I've never really thought about that before, I always just assumed that I would.
It was always clear that Sephy and Callum were attracted to each other, even when they were little but never, not for a second, did I think that she would stick with it. Honestly I was hoping it would just be a phase she was going through just to spite me. Apparently not.
How will the child turn out? Will it be okay? I don't think that anything like this has ever happened before, a naught and a cross having a child. I doubt that Callum will be around for much longer. I'm sure Kamal will find a way to get rid of him by granting his family security if he disappears or something, so how will the child cope without a father? Being so different from everyone already, this could be very difficult for her. I will still love her, obviously, I don't know why I think it's a girl, I can just feel it. I will always love her and I know that Sephy will too. She will be my little innocent flower... My Rose... And Sephy will try to use her as a weapon against her father and the government. As a way to tell people that we are all equal, even though the child will have no say in the matter. It may start an uprising and ignite the fire that the Liberation Militia are trying to start. Or my baby rose's thorns could be turned against Sephy.
The child will definitely be involved in something wether she likes it or not and I refuse to let my daughter ruin her own the way I ruined her. I refuse to let my little rose get injured without a way to defend herself in the first place! I won't let that happen. I can't let that happen.
This letter really helped me develop Jasmine because it got me thinking about the fact that Jasmine really does want the best for her family, its just that alcohol and a rubbish relationship have turned her cold and have made her want to force the world out and she didn't know how to deal with it. I would want her to realise that she needs to sort her life out and at least try to have a good relationship with Sephy and help raise her unborn granddaughter.
It was always clear that Sephy and Callum were attracted to each other, even when they were little but never, not for a second, did I think that she would stick with it. Honestly I was hoping it would just be a phase she was going through just to spite me. Apparently not.
How will the child turn out? Will it be okay? I don't think that anything like this has ever happened before, a naught and a cross having a child. I doubt that Callum will be around for much longer. I'm sure Kamal will find a way to get rid of him by granting his family security if he disappears or something, so how will the child cope without a father? Being so different from everyone already, this could be very difficult for her. I will still love her, obviously, I don't know why I think it's a girl, I can just feel it. I will always love her and I know that Sephy will too. She will be my little innocent flower... My Rose... And Sephy will try to use her as a weapon against her father and the government. As a way to tell people that we are all equal, even though the child will have no say in the matter. It may start an uprising and ignite the fire that the Liberation Militia are trying to start. Or my baby rose's thorns could be turned against Sephy.
The child will definitely be involved in something wether she likes it or not and I refuse to let my daughter ruin her own the way I ruined her. I refuse to let my little rose get injured without a way to defend herself in the first place! I won't let that happen. I can't let that happen.
This letter really helped me develop Jasmine because it got me thinking about the fact that Jasmine really does want the best for her family, its just that alcohol and a rubbish relationship have turned her cold and have made her want to force the world out and she didn't know how to deal with it. I would want her to realise that she needs to sort her life out and at least try to have a good relationship with Sephy and help raise her unborn granddaughter.
Monday, 6 October 2014
Peer Assessment Thursday 2nd October 2014
My assessment for Oliver:
Wednesday, 1 October 2014
Workshop and rehearsal observations (sheets)
My long term target is that I would like to learn how to develop my characters a lot further than I can now so that I can perform better and expand my vocal range.
Sheet 1 (white sheet) (18th September)
Acting Skills That I Have Demonstrated:
Sheet 1 (white sheet) (18th September)
Acting Skills That I Have Demonstrated:
Learning Lines, Tone and Vocal Colour, Pace, Use of Pause, Characterisation, Staying in Role
Acting Skills That I Need to Develop:
Facial Expressions and gestures because I feel as if I don't use them as much as I could/should and if I start to use them it could make my performances better and more effective.
My Targets:
1) I will be able to use the space well and wisely.
2) I will be able to use a convincing tone that raises and falls in good places and can capture an audience.
3) I will be able to use just my facial expressions/gestures/actions in a scene to show how I am feeling effectively.
Reflecting on Set Targets:
1) We blocked my scenes with miss and I have to stay in the same place for both, but in one of them, I have the higher status and am not moving because I don't need to move for Sephy to listen to me. But in my other scene I don't move because I feel weaker and do not have the higher status because I know that I can't do anything so I don't make a move to try.
2) In my first scene I use a from tone that clearly shows that I am 'in charge' because when Sephy talks back I come back harder and in my other scene I am trying to please Kamal while not trying to upset Sephy so my tone treads lightly around the words that I am saying.
3) I have thought more about how Jasmine would react to what is being said and I try to show that in my facial expressions/gestures/actions and I have talked with my groups about how to develop that more.
Sheet 2 (cream sheet) (25th September)
Acting Skills That I Have Demonstrated:
Articulation - because my character is quite posh and stuck up so I felt I should articulate more/better.
Facial Expressions - Because I thought more about how I could express my characters thoughts and feelings between my lines.
Gesture - because I will be holing a wine glass for most of my performance which does alter my gestures a bit an I think I haven't done too badly.
Acting Skills That I Need to Develop:
Gesture - even though I have realised that I need to change my gestures to accommodate the wine glass, I do still need to develop it a bit.
Use of Pause - I usually say most of my lines straight after the last so I could think more about pausing if it sounds right.
Weight Placement - because I don't move in both of my scenes so I want to develop some weight placement to fit my characters personality.
My Targets:
1) To be able to develop some more gestures because I'm not moving in my scenes.
2) To perfect my lines. I do know them, but not word for word.
3) To project my voice more and try to convey more emotions in it.
Reflecting on Set Targets:
1) I try to react when someone says something in a way that seems natural and fits the situations but also shows my characters depth a bit more.
2) I have perfected them.
3) I have thought more about the projection of my voice and I have tried to put more emotion in my voice, be it bitterness or sadness, but I have tried not to go over the top.
Acting Skills That I Need to Develop:
Facial Expressions and gestures because I feel as if I don't use them as much as I could/should and if I start to use them it could make my performances better and more effective.
My Targets:
1) I will be able to use the space well and wisely.
2) I will be able to use a convincing tone that raises and falls in good places and can capture an audience.
3) I will be able to use just my facial expressions/gestures/actions in a scene to show how I am feeling effectively.
Reflecting on Set Targets:
1) We blocked my scenes with miss and I have to stay in the same place for both, but in one of them, I have the higher status and am not moving because I don't need to move for Sephy to listen to me. But in my other scene I don't move because I feel weaker and do not have the higher status because I know that I can't do anything so I don't make a move to try.
2) In my first scene I use a from tone that clearly shows that I am 'in charge' because when Sephy talks back I come back harder and in my other scene I am trying to please Kamal while not trying to upset Sephy so my tone treads lightly around the words that I am saying.
3) I have thought more about how Jasmine would react to what is being said and I try to show that in my facial expressions/gestures/actions and I have talked with my groups about how to develop that more.
Sheet 2 (cream sheet) (25th September)
Acting Skills That I Have Demonstrated:
Articulation - because my character is quite posh and stuck up so I felt I should articulate more/better.
Facial Expressions - Because I thought more about how I could express my characters thoughts and feelings between my lines.
Gesture - because I will be holing a wine glass for most of my performance which does alter my gestures a bit an I think I haven't done too badly.
Acting Skills That I Need to Develop:
Gesture - even though I have realised that I need to change my gestures to accommodate the wine glass, I do still need to develop it a bit.
Use of Pause - I usually say most of my lines straight after the last so I could think more about pausing if it sounds right.
Weight Placement - because I don't move in both of my scenes so I want to develop some weight placement to fit my characters personality.
My Targets:
1) To be able to develop some more gestures because I'm not moving in my scenes.
2) To perfect my lines. I do know them, but not word for word.
3) To project my voice more and try to convey more emotions in it.
Reflecting on Set Targets:
1) I try to react when someone says something in a way that seems natural and fits the situations but also shows my characters depth a bit more.
2) I have perfected them.
3) I have thought more about the projection of my voice and I have tried to put more emotion in my voice, be it bitterness or sadness, but I have tried not to go over the top.
Sheet 3 (pink sheet) (2nd October)
Acting Skills That I Have Demonstrated:
Facial Expressions - because I have tried to react to what other people are saying even if my line is not the next one.
Articulation - because the words that I were saying had good diction and everyone could understand what I was saying.
Relaxation - because I thought I was going to be really nervous performing in front of everyone but I was surprised that I felt a bit more relaxed than I thought I was going to be.
Acting Skills That I Need to Develop:
Projection - because I have a feeling that in my second scene, even though I am supposed to be a bit more drawn back, I shouldn't let that effect the loudness of my voice.
Learning Lines - because there are two lines that you can't tell that I mix up because they are so similar but I want to perfect it.
Tone and Vocal Colour - because there are moments when I feel emotionless in my voice and I want to change that.
My Targets:
1) To be able to project my voice to the other end of the room so that everyone can hear me, but to still not take away from the emotion from my voice.
2) To just fix those lines that I mix up.
3) To add some tone and vocal colour in some of my lines because some of them feel really dry and emotionless.
Reflecting on Set Targets:
1) I think I have been able to do this because I have been able to raise my voice, not shout and have kept the meaning behind the words.
2) I have fixed the lines.
3) I feel as if I have done this in some of my lines but I have also realised that for some of my lines, I need to be emotionless because my character is irritated and doesn't need to have emotion.
Sheet 4 (green sheet) (9th October)
Acting Skills That I Have Demonstrated:
Facial Expressions - because I am reaction to what people are saying as they are saying it, rather than waiting to say my line to react.
Gesture - in both my scenes, I have my arms folded at one point but they both mean different things - one being a way to make me look intimidating and more like a motherly figure, the other more like in a way of drawn back-ness - which I think is quite effective.
Acting Skills That I Need to Develop:
Projection - so that everyone can hear me because there were times in my second scene where my voice might have been too quiet.
Clarity - because it may not have been consistent throughout my performances, probably because it's getting a lot closer to the time of performance and I'm just nervous but I will get over it, I'm sure.
Diction - I think I rushed a bit in one of my lines so because I need to answer back quickly but without losing my words.
Characterisation - I did get good feedback overall, just that I should work more on connecting to Jasmine on an age level as I am finding it difficult to portray her maturity.
My Targets:
1) To practice doing some vocal exercises at home to improve my diction and projection.
2) To make myself actually seem closer to Jasmines age to convince the audience more.
3) To decide how I want to make my character look. (like she's defensive, rude, sad etc, thinking of subtext as well)
Reflecting on Set Targets:
1) I have done those vocal exercises that we did in class but the warm ups first like writing your name with your tongue, opening and closing your face etc. then I did the actual exercises that we did in class that included talking to the wall then stepping further and further away, but then I found some online as well that was stuff like, say your lines but with a different emotion each time i.e. sad, happy, exited, angry and just do that until your voice is all warmed up, and I could really feel the effect it had on my projection and diction when I put it into its actual context.
2) I have tried to look deeper into her character like why she actually turned to alcohol; her husband left her for reasons we, and maybe she, doesn't know; and how she was before the alcohol was in her bloodstream 24/7; what she would have said/done before and now; how all this effects Sephy and I feel as if I have concocted to Jasmine on a more personal level.
3) I think that she is still learning how to cope with things because alcohol works short term but definitely not long term so I do think that she is very defensive over a lot of her decisions in life and that she can sometimes go about the wrong way of showing her love for her children by putting herself before them just because she wants the public to view her in a specific way or because she knows that if she was to let herself be herself that her life would get so much harder because she wouldn't be accepted by the naughts or the crosses as she does try to help naughts but is still not one of them. I think that all she really wants is for people to understand what she's going through because with a daughter who is so involved with being perfect, much like herself, she wouldn't understand, and a daughter who thinks that her own mother hates her, also wouldn't understand, so she turns to alcohol that she knows will ease her pain even for a little while. She genuinely is a sad person, she just can't admit that to herself or to anyone else because that is a sign of weakness and would not be good for her image at all. Overall, she wants acceptance but doesn't feel she can get and does not follow the right path, and feels as if the world hates her when really, it's only herself that she is afraid of.
Sheet 4 (green sheet) (9th October)
Acting Skills That I Have Demonstrated:
Facial Expressions - because I am reaction to what people are saying as they are saying it, rather than waiting to say my line to react.
Gesture - in both my scenes, I have my arms folded at one point but they both mean different things - one being a way to make me look intimidating and more like a motherly figure, the other more like in a way of drawn back-ness - which I think is quite effective.
Acting Skills That I Need to Develop:
Projection - so that everyone can hear me because there were times in my second scene where my voice might have been too quiet.
Clarity - because it may not have been consistent throughout my performances, probably because it's getting a lot closer to the time of performance and I'm just nervous but I will get over it, I'm sure.
Diction - I think I rushed a bit in one of my lines so because I need to answer back quickly but without losing my words.
Characterisation - I did get good feedback overall, just that I should work more on connecting to Jasmine on an age level as I am finding it difficult to portray her maturity.
My Targets:
1) To practice doing some vocal exercises at home to improve my diction and projection.
2) To make myself actually seem closer to Jasmines age to convince the audience more.
3) To decide how I want to make my character look. (like she's defensive, rude, sad etc, thinking of subtext as well)
Reflecting on Set Targets:
1) I have done those vocal exercises that we did in class but the warm ups first like writing your name with your tongue, opening and closing your face etc. then I did the actual exercises that we did in class that included talking to the wall then stepping further and further away, but then I found some online as well that was stuff like, say your lines but with a different emotion each time i.e. sad, happy, exited, angry and just do that until your voice is all warmed up, and I could really feel the effect it had on my projection and diction when I put it into its actual context.
2) I have tried to look deeper into her character like why she actually turned to alcohol; her husband left her for reasons we, and maybe she, doesn't know; and how she was before the alcohol was in her bloodstream 24/7; what she would have said/done before and now; how all this effects Sephy and I feel as if I have concocted to Jasmine on a more personal level.
3) I think that she is still learning how to cope with things because alcohol works short term but definitely not long term so I do think that she is very defensive over a lot of her decisions in life and that she can sometimes go about the wrong way of showing her love for her children by putting herself before them just because she wants the public to view her in a specific way or because she knows that if she was to let herself be herself that her life would get so much harder because she wouldn't be accepted by the naughts or the crosses as she does try to help naughts but is still not one of them. I think that all she really wants is for people to understand what she's going through because with a daughter who is so involved with being perfect, much like herself, she wouldn't understand, and a daughter who thinks that her own mother hates her, also wouldn't understand, so she turns to alcohol that she knows will ease her pain even for a little while. She genuinely is a sad person, she just can't admit that to herself or to anyone else because that is a sign of weakness and would not be good for her image at all. Overall, she wants acceptance but doesn't feel she can get and does not follow the right path, and feels as if the world hates her when really, it's only herself that she is afraid of.
Wednesday, 24 September 2014
Thursday 18 September 2014 (Naturalism)
(I want something, so I do something inevitably feeling something.)
To discover what your character really wants you must answer the 8 W's
Who (Am I)
Where (am I)
When (is it)
Where (have I come from)
What (do I need)
Why (do I need it)
What (will happen if I don't get it)
What (must I overcome)
Who am I? - I am Jasmine Hadley, a newly single mother of two, Minerva Hadley and Persephoney Hadley, my ex husband is the deputy prime minister and has left me for another woman named Grace. He was hardly ever home, always on 'business trips', so I guess I should have seen it coming. And I know that Sephy resents me for it, she must think that I drove him away, but she is too young to know anything that is above her head. I am a Cross who lives in a very large house with a private beach nearby that is disconnected from the rest of the world with a fence. I am a depressed alcoholic probably because my husband left me and my youngest daughter rebels against me repetitively so instead of facing the challenges that life throws at me, I turn to alcohol to numb the pain that has been inflicted upon me. When I have an argument with my daughter, I drink, when my ex husband is trying to ruin my life even more, I drink, when begin to remember my past, I drink. Honestly at this point its just a way to fill the gaps of time that people usually spend at work or with their family. Well that and shopping, you can never have too many shoes right?
Where am I? (in my scenes) - 1) I am watching Sephy swing on the garden swing, well twist more than swing, from the kitchen window. Just watching her waiting for the right time to tell her that she must see the father of her best friend die, and deciding of how to say it. I'm not even sure why we even have that swing anymore, it's old and ugly and no one even uses it properly anymore, but Sephy wants to keep it. God know why, probably because of some sort of nostalgic feeling she gets because she and Callum always used to play on it, when life was good. The rest of the garden is empty, just a couple of trees and some flower beds along the side, now it's just freshly mown grass with gaps where children used to laugh, to play. The door to the wine cellar is right next to me and it is taking everything in me not to bring a glass but no, I must keep my chin up and my head high, for not only my sake, but for my families image.
2) Me and my family are in the dining hall of our huge house, sitting on a large table for nine but populated by four, picking at our expensive food, me drinking my wine and everyone sharing awkward glances and trying to engage in conversation while the butler is setting out more food that probably won't be eaten. The room is large and furnished well but seems empty, probably because we are such a small family and this house is meant for at least seven, but it's not just that. It feels cold, unused, so many colours and trinkets but boring. but maybe thats just because my ex husbands in the room, he tends to have that effect on things, leeching them until they're dry, dulling them. I feel sorry for Grace really, she will just end up like me, a shell of what used to be filled with life and energy. But when I think of her properly, I think she's probably just in it for the money.
When is it - 1) It is 2014, it is early spring, the sun lightly brushing the blades of grass, illuminating Sephys skin with the makings of a happy picture if only her eyes weren't so sad, it is around 4:15 and I really need to get her inside soon or we will be late.
2) Still 2014 but now coming into Summer around 6 with the light still shining through the windows.
Where have I come from - 1) I was just putting finishing my wine so that I would not be noticeably drunk for the cameras when I decide to call Sephy in only to find her sitting on her old swing set, just twisting. I do not want to disturb her right away, she'd look so peaceful if it wasn't for the pained look on her face.
2) I was just sitting at the pool, trying to get as tanned as possible in the summer sun, contemplating how Sephy will feel about the news of boarding school when the butler calls me and tells me that my ex husband has arrived and that I should get ready for dinner.
What do I need? - 1) I need to make Sephy look nice quickly without her finding out where she is going so that she will willingly go.
2) I need to comply to what Kamal thinks is best for Sephy and try to break it to her gently so she doesn't flip out and run away or do something she will regret.
Why do I need it? - 1) because if Sephy shows up not dressed for the occasion, and if we show up late, it is sure to get noticed by the press and they will jump at the chance to make us look bad.
2) Kamal can make my life even worse than it already is and I really don't want that to happen because it will not only effect me, but my children as well.
Why do I need it? - 1) because if she doesn't show up or if we show up late and looking like naughts then the press will make fools out of us and that would be terrible for my image.
2) because if Kamal gets irritated with me he may cut us off and that would not be good for my children or me.
What must I overcome? - 1) I must go to the hanging myself which will be difficult because I do still love the Mgreggors but I must do it to support Kamal especially since everyone thinks that we are still together, it would seem awfully odd if we didn't show. It will be terrible but I have to do it.
2) I must try to overcome the fact that I don't want Sephy to be upset but I also want whats best for her and if Kamal thinks that it is this then so be it, though I do not want for my own daughter to hate me even more, this must be done, for her safety otherwise God knows what will happen.
Where (am I)
When (is it)
Where (have I come from)
What (do I need)
Why (do I need it)
What (will happen if I don't get it)
What (must I overcome)
Who am I? - I am Jasmine Hadley, a newly single mother of two, Minerva Hadley and Persephoney Hadley, my ex husband is the deputy prime minister and has left me for another woman named Grace. He was hardly ever home, always on 'business trips', so I guess I should have seen it coming. And I know that Sephy resents me for it, she must think that I drove him away, but she is too young to know anything that is above her head. I am a Cross who lives in a very large house with a private beach nearby that is disconnected from the rest of the world with a fence. I am a depressed alcoholic probably because my husband left me and my youngest daughter rebels against me repetitively so instead of facing the challenges that life throws at me, I turn to alcohol to numb the pain that has been inflicted upon me. When I have an argument with my daughter, I drink, when my ex husband is trying to ruin my life even more, I drink, when begin to remember my past, I drink. Honestly at this point its just a way to fill the gaps of time that people usually spend at work or with their family. Well that and shopping, you can never have too many shoes right?
Where am I? (in my scenes) - 1) I am watching Sephy swing on the garden swing, well twist more than swing, from the kitchen window. Just watching her waiting for the right time to tell her that she must see the father of her best friend die, and deciding of how to say it. I'm not even sure why we even have that swing anymore, it's old and ugly and no one even uses it properly anymore, but Sephy wants to keep it. God know why, probably because of some sort of nostalgic feeling she gets because she and Callum always used to play on it, when life was good. The rest of the garden is empty, just a couple of trees and some flower beds along the side, now it's just freshly mown grass with gaps where children used to laugh, to play. The door to the wine cellar is right next to me and it is taking everything in me not to bring a glass but no, I must keep my chin up and my head high, for not only my sake, but for my families image.
2) Me and my family are in the dining hall of our huge house, sitting on a large table for nine but populated by four, picking at our expensive food, me drinking my wine and everyone sharing awkward glances and trying to engage in conversation while the butler is setting out more food that probably won't be eaten. The room is large and furnished well but seems empty, probably because we are such a small family and this house is meant for at least seven, but it's not just that. It feels cold, unused, so many colours and trinkets but boring. but maybe thats just because my ex husbands in the room, he tends to have that effect on things, leeching them until they're dry, dulling them. I feel sorry for Grace really, she will just end up like me, a shell of what used to be filled with life and energy. But when I think of her properly, I think she's probably just in it for the money.
When is it - 1) It is 2014, it is early spring, the sun lightly brushing the blades of grass, illuminating Sephys skin with the makings of a happy picture if only her eyes weren't so sad, it is around 4:15 and I really need to get her inside soon or we will be late.
2) Still 2014 but now coming into Summer around 6 with the light still shining through the windows.
Where have I come from - 1) I was just putting finishing my wine so that I would not be noticeably drunk for the cameras when I decide to call Sephy in only to find her sitting on her old swing set, just twisting. I do not want to disturb her right away, she'd look so peaceful if it wasn't for the pained look on her face.
2) I was just sitting at the pool, trying to get as tanned as possible in the summer sun, contemplating how Sephy will feel about the news of boarding school when the butler calls me and tells me that my ex husband has arrived and that I should get ready for dinner.
What do I need? - 1) I need to make Sephy look nice quickly without her finding out where she is going so that she will willingly go.
2) I need to comply to what Kamal thinks is best for Sephy and try to break it to her gently so she doesn't flip out and run away or do something she will regret.
Why do I need it? - 1) because if Sephy shows up not dressed for the occasion, and if we show up late, it is sure to get noticed by the press and they will jump at the chance to make us look bad.
2) Kamal can make my life even worse than it already is and I really don't want that to happen because it will not only effect me, but my children as well.
Why do I need it? - 1) because if she doesn't show up or if we show up late and looking like naughts then the press will make fools out of us and that would be terrible for my image.
2) because if Kamal gets irritated with me he may cut us off and that would not be good for my children or me.
What must I overcome? - 1) I must go to the hanging myself which will be difficult because I do still love the Mgreggors but I must do it to support Kamal especially since everyone thinks that we are still together, it would seem awfully odd if we didn't show. It will be terrible but I have to do it.
2) I must try to overcome the fact that I don't want Sephy to be upset but I also want whats best for her and if Kamal thinks that it is this then so be it, though I do not want for my own daughter to hate me even more, this must be done, for her safety otherwise God knows what will happen.
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